i just want you to know….

I feel like this needs to be said,

As I’m really not sure that you know

That my life would be empty without you

If ever you were to go.

*

I know that we rarely do talk

About what we are feeling inside,

But I do know that sometimes you struggle

Though it’s something you try to hide.

*

I worry that sometimes you think

I would rather you weren’t even there,

That my life would somehow be richer,

That, quite frankly, I don’t really care.

*

That couldn’t be further away from the truth,

My life would be empty and terribly dull

And I wish that I told you how much that you mean

Each time that we paused in a little life lull.

*

So step back away from the edge of the bridge,

And rest in my arms where you truly belong.

I wish we had talked of life’s ups and downs

Before it all started to go horribly wrong.

*

I can’t promise that things will always be fine

But I know that the world will miss your bright spark.

If you give up the fight and leave us behind

Our world will become incredibly dark.

I just wanted to write a rhyming poem for anyone who is struggling. I saw a post on Twitter earlier today that inspired this one. It was written by Matt Haig and it was about how touched he is when people reach out and say that his books made a difference in their lives, and potentially saved them from suicide.

I thought that there must be loads of people out there who don’t know what a positive impact that are making on the world and are just moments away from ending it because they feel hopeless and useless.

Remember, none of you are useless or hopeless. You might feel like your are in a bad place now but you have no idea what great things might be around the corner. And you have to think of all the people in your life who would miss you so much if you were gone.

If you are worried about somebody, perhaps send them this poem to show them that you care and that they are an important part of your world. Stay strong and love one another out there because it can be a crazy, scary world.

Much Love,

Rachel xx

the angel on the bus

He was dressed all in white

Which was quite a curious thing.

She prayed that he wouldn’t sit down

On the seat next to her on the bus.

He did stop beside her and she shuffled along,

Hoping that at least he’d stay quiet.

It’s going to be OK, he said after a mile or two.

She looked at him properly for the very first time,

The sun filtered through windows to blind her with light.

I haven’t a clue what you mean, she muttered,

But way deep down in the pit of her stomach

She knew that he knew.

There was something extraordinary

About the man dressed in white.

He smiled and he stroked at her face

And everything melted away.

He was gone by the time they reached the next stop,

But he saved her that day.

She had been travelling to the place where she planned to jump,

Feeling empty and dark, a weight on the world.

It only took one person to shine in a light.

Whether he was real or an angel on the bus,

It really didn’t matter,

He quietened the chatter inside of her head,

For just long enough

To pull her away from the edge.

I feel like everyone needs an angel at some point in their life. And I like to believe that sometimes we get one sent down. There has been a lot of talk about suicide in the UK over this weekend and the need to reach out and talk when things are difficult. But this is a bloody scary thing to do when you already feel crappy, and sometimes it needs to be the other way round.

The brilliant book The Stranger on the Bridge by Jonny Benjamin is a perfect example of this. When somebody is right there on the edge, it can be a stranger who makes all the difference. I know that everyone hates the person who comes and sits next to them on the bus and starts having a conversation when all you want to do is read, but we are a social species and surely the world would be a better place if we all connected a little bit more.

I really do believe in angels, whether they be normal people put in a certain place at just the right time, or some sort of messenger sent straight from God Himself, I really think they are out there. Perhaps we should all aim to be a little bit more like the angel on the bridge. You never know what awful set of events you might stop from happening.

Much Love

Rachel xx

sweet caroline

I stood staring at the rack of magazines,

Scuffing my toes on the dusty floor.

She’s a whore, whispered a man in my ear.

He pointed to the woman on the cover,

That poor, unfortunate soul

Who thought that all her dreams came true

When she found her fame.

She’s not, I sighed underneath my breath.

The man shrugged and sneered, moving on.

Everyone has an opinion

About that woman on the cover;

The one whose dream turned sour.

She may as well be fucking Minnie Mouse,

A character to entertain us when we’re bored,

No longer human in our eyes.

But underneath she’s slowly dying,

And when we’ve snuffed that final little ember,

We’ll all cry out that life’s unfair

And warn that nastiness can kill.

But by tomorrow someone else will be fair game,

Another girl, another circumstance,

But a story that always ends the same.

There was some very sad news in the UK today as it was reported that Caroline Flack took her own life. Caroline was hugely successful but hit some hard times when there was an altercation with her boyfriend just before Christmas. She was arrested and so the press went to town with her.

The story is so sad because she was such a talented lady and it was the press and trolls on social media that have evidently pushed her. It’s just really opened my eyes to the fact that no matter where you are in your life, you are still open to the same pain as anyone else.

While I was drinking I genuinely thought that my pain was greater than anyone else’s and when I got rich or famous that pain would just go away. Now that I’m a little more aware of what is going on around me I can see that this couldn’t be further from the truth.

It was only the other day that I looked at the cover of one of these magazines and saw a picture of Caroline. My heart actually broke for her because I realised that her pain was greater than mine at the moment. That was quite a moment, and so I’m crushed to see how it has all ended.

It goes without saying that if you are struggling, talk to someone! Try and stay off social media because it drains the life out of humans. I hope that Caroline stays in our thoughts for a long time so that we don’t move onto the next girl (or guy) in a matter of weeks. Things need to change, and sharpish!

Much Love,

Rachel xx