love in another time

I just watched the first half of The Adam Project on Netflix this evening – no spoilers please, as I haven’t reached the end yet.


the great musical bookmark

gray book with gray lace bookmark
Photo by Pixabay on

Transported in a moment,

One strike of the key

Or that first sultry tone

And there you are

In space and time

A place you’d rather be.

I have spent this evening watching back to back music on BBC2 and it’s totally transported me to another time and place. I started with Top of the Pops 1994, and then carried on to watch Mariah Carey on the BBC.

So many of those songs from the mid 90s are so special because it was just before I hit my teens and things become so complicated and emotional. My memories of that time are a bit hazy now, but I do remember the feelings I experienced in the summer before I went up to secondary school.

Some of those classic songs stayed popular for a long time and I remember playing some of those ballads really loudly and feeling heartbroken or madly in love when I was about fourteen or fifteen.

Similarly, I find I can watch Dawson’s Creek and feel the same way. I feel a bit sad watching and listening to these videos as they just remind me of a much simpler time when only rich business men carried mobile phones and social media was just a whisper in the wind.

Much Love

Rachel xx

travelling forwards and backwards in time

Where would you go if you had a machine

You could climb inside and press sets of buttons

And pull various levers until there’s a whirring

And a flashing of lights. Your brain starts to swill

As the pulling of time twists your insides.

Would you go to the Ice Age and ride on the mammoth

Or visit the Tudors and watch a Shakespearean play?

Perhaps you’d go forward to a time we don’t know

Where there’s robots and AI, and holograms

So pop stars can sing in ordinary front rooms.

But what if you played with the time-space continuum

And our lives were all altered beyond recognition?

Would you still travel if it changed all you knew?

I am in love with any story that deals with time travel or parallel story lines. Anything like The Time Traveler’s Wife, About Time or Sliding Doors are right up my street. I think that the reason I love these stories so much is that they get my little brain ticking and thinking what if?

I wonder if I would actually like to go forwards or backwards and whether there would be any repercussions. I also wonder what my life would be like if I made a single decision just a little bit differently; would my life be completely different?

I’m always so curious about those photos you see on Facebook that were taken in the 1930s and in the middle of the crowd there is a man in Ray bans and board shorts. I know that they are probably photoshopped but it still gets me thinking. Wouldn’t it be amazing if you spotted somebody you knew in one of those photos? What would you do if you asked them about it and they just smiled and shrugged?

I’m sure that time travel has been achieved, just like there are probably loads of things that we don’t know about what the powers that be know of UFOs. I promise I’m not a conspiracy theorist but stories about these kinds of things are always going to pull me in; I’m a sucker for them.

Much Love

Rachel xx

A letter to my 21 year old self

It’s the night before my birthday and time to think about how I have grown and changed over the years. It would be nice if a couple of 21 year olds could be reading this blog and stumble upon this letter. It would be nice if that’s you, that you read this letter and realise that you are not alone. Being 21 is such a funny age. You’re no longer a child but you know that you’re not a proper grown up yet. You’re winging it and you hope that you won’t fuck it all up and that nobody will notice that you don’t have a scooby what you’re doing. Well, we all feel the same at your age and this is a letter to me when I was feeling all of those things. I had a bit of a bumpy ride but this is what I would say if I could write to her now that I am through it all.

Dear Rachel,

Happy birthday, enjoy the cake and a couple of glasses of wine. Enjoy this moment as much as you can because things are about to get tricky. That man that you are married to, the father of your child, he is hiding a secret and it’s all going to come tumbling out in the very near future.

It’s going to crush you and it’s going to make you hate that baby you share. You’ll resent him and wish that you never had him. You will think awful thoughts and then you will beat yourself up for it. And unfortunately, the only way that you are going to get through it is by turning to drink. Alcohol will be the only thing that soothes those horrible feelings but it will get its claws into you and eventually it will swallow you whole.

Your twenties will have their moments of fun and success but it all feels a little bit empty because you’re running on vodka. You’re achievements will be awesome. You will run 100 miles races and swim the English Channel. You’ll get a couple of degrees and one of them will be a first. How the fuck you manage it even I don’t know. It’s a shame because if you’d have been sober you would probably have been a raging success.

But you do make it through. You are tough and there is something inside you that is a survivor. You know when things are getting too much and you’re not too proud to ask for help when you need it. You will get sober and you will start to get your life back. You will change your values and re-evaluate what you think is important. You will start to take care of the people around you and become a much nicer person. You will reach your mid thirties and still be far from perfect. Those degrees are all but useless because you work in a shop and you struggle with anxiety so you can’t even work full time. But you enjoy your work and you go at it with enthusiasm. You have raised that baby and now he is fourteen and such a credit to you.

There are going to be so many horrible moments between you and me and I wish that I could stop them from happening or be there to give you a hug when they knock you down. But you’re a little toughie and you’ll make it through. You’ll have some highs too but try not to get carried away. Keep a level head and make sure you make it safely to 35 because I have a feeling things are about to get good.

Much Love

Older Rachel xx