giving the other side a voice

woman placing her finger between her lips
Photo by Kat Smith on

Some are silenced with a static sound

A snow screen for the ears to blank

The pain that needs to rush out in

An angry torrent to be heard

By a world that when we face the facts

Doesn’t listen to

Our whispered female voices.

I randomly picked a book by Rebecca Humphries called Why Did You Stay? I’m listening to it on Audible and I thought it would be interesting because it was about the Seann Walsh and Katya Jones scandal from the side of the jilted girlfriend.

For those who don’t know what this is, it was a very public relationship breakdown that happened because a celebrity and a pro dancer on Strictly Come Dancing were caught having an affair.

It blew up because the girlfriend of the celebrity released a statement that went viral, and now she has written a book. I wanted to listen to it because I’ve been cheated on, I understand that feeling of betrayal, and I have a bit of a sick need to hear from other people who have also been through it.

However, since selecting and starting that book, the boyfriend has appeared on I’m A Celebrity and we are hearing his side as he tells his campmates about it. I feel like I’m a child caught between two arguing parents as I watch him and then listen to her on my nightly runs.

I know that I shouldn’t really take sides but Rebecca seems so much more articulate (and innocent in the whole matter), so I am on Team Humphries. But it has made me realise how important it seems to be for people to scramble to tell their side of a story when something bad happens.

Someone once told me that whenever there is a falling out, there are three truths: one for each side and then the REAL truth. And that perfectly hits the nail on the head; we all bend the truth a bit, even if we don’t realise we’re doing it.

I just wish that Rebecca had a greater platform to share her story from. He cheated on her and yet he gets to go on one of the biggest TV shows to win over the public, while the jilted woman just gets a spot on one of the back tables in the local Waterstones.

Sounds about right.

Much Love

Rachel xx

cut my losses or try again?

different sizes and forms of scissors
Photo by Karolina Grabowska on

It’s toxic, so much so it hurts,

It stings my eyes and burns my skin

Leaving blistered boils behind.

But on the other hand, I need that drug,

The mother’s love I craved so long,

Watching mums in town with girls,

Comforting despite their flaws

And soon I see I needed love

But not the poisonous type,

The type that comes conditionally.

And so the choice must swoop in low

And snatch the wrong one from my grasp

As someone needs to help me choose.

I haven’t seen or heard from my mum for over a year now, and I am constantly growing in confidence without her being there. It makes me think that perhaps I’m better off, but even typing that makes me feel like a terrible person.

My confidence has always been really low and I just thought that I was born that way, but I have realised that constantly worrying about saying the wrong thing around her has really made me an anxious human.

I’m now at a point where I need to make a decision. She doesn’t send me cards or even a birthday text so she is done with me, do I just stop emailing and texting her. I have said that I will talk with her but I need some sort of therapist or mediator with us. And she has said no.

I’d love to hear if other people have had similar experiences. Will I regret it if I let her go? Or will I flourish without the worry of not being good enough for her? Any thoughts people? Am I being a bitch? Or have other people done a similar thhing?

Much Love

Rachel xx