I have started my Christmas break and I have to admit that I have been feeling a bit unsettled. I guess it’s pretty normal to feel a bit anxious and scratchy when you suddenly slam the brakes on. Life is normally so fast and letting that go can make you feel a little unsettled.
However, I have found over this weekend that watching swimming vlogs has really calmed me. I was a swimmer as a kid and so the sounds and the sights are really calming to me. They take me back to a simpler time in my life.
I have literally watched hours of these YouTube videos, immersing myself into that world that brought me so much comfort for so many years. I’m sure everyone has a safe place where just the sounds of it make you feel protected.
It has made me think that I need to start swimming again. I miss just putting my head under the water and feeling like I’m flying for just a few hours. It’s the ultimate form of escapism when life feels a bit overwhelming.
There is a lyric in Madonna’s song ‘Time Goes By’ that goes: those who run seem to have all the fun. That line has stuck with me over the last fifteen years over the many hundreds of miles I have covered.
The thing is, I think Madonna actually knows her stuff, and I think that us runners do seem to have a lot of fun.
Whenever I’m feeling a bit low, I put running videos on Youtube and just watch people having fun racing and training. I’m guessing it’s all down to the endorphins, but I’m definitely going to make the most of it.
I was watching a YouTuber who I really enjoy the other day. She is a book reviewer and that is how I stumbled across her channel. However, this video that I watched was about mental health.
Basically, this woman had been having a bit of a bad time and she was really open about the fact that she had gone to the doctor to get medication and she had also been seeing a therapist for a few weeks.
Her story that just struck a chord with me was about a night when she was starting to feel much better. She had been cooking and whatever it was that she was making had gone horribly wrong. As many of us have probably done in the past, she got angry with it, burst into tears and was about to throw the whole thing in the bin.
Her husband came in just in time and managed to save whatever it was that she had been making. But this lady then started to beat herself up over the fact that she thought she was better and yet she was throwing a tantrum and then wanting to bin the whole thing. She felt like she had just gone right back to square one.
However, she did go and calm herself down and speak to her therapist and the conclusion that she came to was one that really has made a mark on me.
She said that that is just the way she is.
It sounds like the most ridiculous answer, but it was also bloody genius. She said that she is a chronic over-reactor and that is just the way she will always be. And it is also the thing that makes the people around her, love her.
She has just shifted her thinking, so rather than say she has to overreact less, she is now saying that she can have a little meltdown as long as she can see the funny side of it afterwards. If she wants to work on anything then it can be something less personal. She could tell herself that in order to stop the meltdowns she could work on her cooking.
I thought this was such a clever switch in thinking. I always get so upset when I fail and then I beat myself up because I’m upset and then I continue getting even more wound up with myself.
Instead, I can just allow those crappy feelings and get rid of the beating that I give myself afterwards. And when I really think about it, it is quite funny that I can get so wound up about an interview or a car repair bill; I just need to look at everything that has happened in the world over the last years to know that my issues are pretty small fry.
So, I guess what I’m saying is, listen to that lady. Don’t get angry at yourself for feeling all the feelings. Trying to stop feelings with willpower is like trying to stop a leak with toilet paper.
The answer to the problem is to learn to laugh at yourself. Sometimes hard, but always worth it.
There are so many times in life that I have been brushed off because I’m not ruthless enough. It sometimes feels like you have absolutely no chance of going anywhere if you’re considered too quiet or too sensitive or not as pretty as the other girls. If you’re just described a ‘nice’ it can be bloody hard to rise to the top and I’d really like it to stop. I’d love to be able to join together with other people who have found themselves in the same boat and we can share our experiences and give each other a little boost.
In this video I have a little rant about how angry it makes me that our gifts (which are really valuable) are just discarded and how our soft skills are not appreciated at all. I hope that it resonates with a few people out there and that at least one or two people can join me in my slightly ‘meh’ version of an uprising!
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